Oh dear, it seems that there is a person, or are persons, who keep stumbling across this blog by Googling the words “spanking Carol Smillie” – on a remarkably consistent basis too. I’m not sure if these are the workings of a weird cult, or simply nerds trying to investigate some hot internet urban myth, but this search seems to have turned up on my list every other day since I posted the 1980s’ KitKat ad which featured a young Carol as part of a band sealing a record deal. I didn’t write that the ‘Alien Invasion’ song was “spanking good” or any such thing but still they find me; I’m impressed by their dogged persistence. So, whoever you are, I’m making it easier for you to find me, right down to the quotation marks. Thanks for reading and sorry if my articles are a crushing disappointment once you get here; I Have Grave News remains, for at least the time being, spanking/flagellation-free. While I’m at it, I may as well say hello to all you “Carol Vorderman lingerie” and “Kim and Aggie rubber” fans too – you’re all very welcome.