…WHY? Continue reading
Archive for the Disasters Category
Dearie me, it’s 2012.
The world is in the grip of death, famine, financial collapse, and, despite the so-called ‘Arab Spring’, there are still a significant number of lunatics running the global asylum. The New Year arrives with violent storms battering the coasts of Britain and Ireland. Even David Bowie is about to turn 65. All we can really do is hope for the best.
This year, I’m hoping to continue where 1997 left off, creatively-speaking. Let’s call it a ‘creative spring’. I wrote an awful more in 2011 than I even managed in 1997 (when I took a – ahem – ‘career break’ to write a novel), so here’s to new horizons, finding silver linings in the blanket of dark clouds and, like the Wombles always said, making good use of the things I find.
Have you seen this print ad? It’s for a well-known ‘value’ furniture store who probably thought it’d be really cute to advertise its stair carpet and underlay service with a sleeping toddler, presumably to show you just how snug it would be.
Unfortunately, it only looks as if the child has slipped down the stairs and ended up badly injured. Everyone I’ve shown it to agrees, so how did they fail to spot this? Didn’t want to upset the photographer, maybe? Continue reading
The arrogance of The English (formerly known as the England football team) and misguided opinion of their own importance continues to show it knows no boundaries or sense of perspective. Not only have they launched a new and expensive football kit when their popularity is at an all-time low, and even their most stupidly die-hard fans are unlikely to want to buy it, they have returned to the preposterous idea that they are somehow “Britain” by once again manufacturing BLUE shorts.
It always struck me as being the height of imperial ignorance that The English wore blue, a colour which appears nowhere on their flag and has no other reason for appearing than its appearance on the British flag – which is, of course, courtesy of us Scots. In a way it’s flattering that they’re so keen to include us but I, for one, really don’t wish to be involved. Getting England to realise it’s not Britain is almost as hard as trying to convince America it’s not the World – but I’m sure we’ll carry on reminding them both. Continue reading
Another childhood illusion shattered, another comfort zone wrecked. Belgian punk “sensation” Plastic Bertrand has admitted he wasn’t the singer of his one and only UK hit ‘Ça Plane Pour Moi’. Is there nothing left we can believe in?
This is far more devastating than the Milli Vanilli ‘scandal’ of 20 years ago. Poor Plastic (real name Roger Jouret, but why would he use that again?) is distraught at having to admit this now. I must admit, I feel for him.
Admitting that the voice on the record was actually that of the record’s producer, the wonderfully named Lou Deprijck, Plastic said: “I’m the victim. I wanted to sing but he wouldn’t let me into the studio. This is going to dog me till my dying days. I’m really fed up.” Continue reading
Congratulations to Ireland’s musical pride and joy Jedward, who yesterday crashed into the UK Singles Chart at number 80 with their magnificent cover of Blink 182’s ‘All The Small Things’. Continue reading
Three pieces in the morning papers got a rise out of me today. First and foremost, an excellent opinion piece in the Irish Times by Brian O’Connell about the appalling situation regarding cut-price or below-cost alcohol sales; then, a shocking (to my eyes) report on how the Irish are apparently at odds with the rest of the EU’s views on drink-driving; and finally, the depressing story of a gang of young arseholes who put their infantile driving ‘antics’ on YouTube, complete with their Toyota car registrations and ‘crazy’ nicknames.
All of them make frustrating reading in their own ways. Both drink and driving are clearly major problems in Ireland, never minding the horror of what can happen when the two go together. But I have too many questions about what constitutes common sense in these situations. What is the problem with drink-driving?
It depresses me beyond words that such a swell of Irish residents (31% of those surveyed) believe it’s a ‘minor road safety issue’. What is this mindset to do with? Is this really a mentality issue? Is it due to the slack attitude of the successive governments who allowed people to drive by themselves without a full licence for so many years? Is it really to do with the preservation of the mythical ‘rural way of life’, where drink-driving is actually considered ‘a way of life’ and not of potential death? Or is the drinks industry’s relentless whingeing about pub closures actually an influential factor here? Continue reading