The Tories are only back in power a wet minute and look who’s crawled back from the lair of the woodworm. Only Phil Collins. Back, back, back, he is. Considering Britain’s now going back to Victorian values, back to basics, back to colonial, feudalistic, tally-ho, smash-the-oiks Conservatism, why not go the whole hog and bring back old Phil too?
I’m sure he’s been missed, not only by his legion of middle-class, middle-age spread fans, but also by other right-wing musicians, ones who didn’t flee the country when Labour got in: people like Rick Wakeman, Gary Numan, Eric Clapton, Tony Hadley, Gary Barlow and, er, Geri Halliwell.
In the spirit of c(C)onservatism, Collins’s album is called Going Back, a ‘Motown inspired’ collection of, er, Motown covers. I don’t like prejudging anything but I really do not want to hear this record. Having Collins’s pained whine over any piece of old anti-melodic tat is bad enough, but having it murder 18 all-time classics (including (Love Is Like A) Heatwave, Uptight (Everything Is Alright), Jimmy Mack and Loving You Is Sweeter Than Ever) really ought to invoke some ancient, feudal law or other – the sort of thing he’d actually approve of, in fact.
Anyway, there is one thing about this horror show I just don’t get – why have they put a photo of Ronan Keating on the cover?