It’s not fair, I want to be a social diarist with RSVP. I wish I had been the lucky hack assigned to go chez “Ireland’s Favourite Couple” Gerald Kean and Lisa Murphy for a spontaneous Christmas dinner in October. Just look at the lovely people I could have wished “Merry (somewhat early) Christmas” and “Recession? What Recession?” to and helped saw up a nice, peeved-looking suckling pig: Colette Fitzpatrick, Dylan McGrath, Bill “Not a Syrup” Cullen and Jackie Lavin, Pippa O’Connor and the great Don Baker. And a couple of other people who were probably trying to work out why they were there. What a feast there was too: the aforementioned suckling pig (lovingly carved up by “Ireland’s best loved and best dressed couple” Gerald and Lisa on page 36), fresh Alaskan king crab, ravioli and truffles, roast goose with plum sauce and stuffing, as well as Christmas pudding, mince pies and an Irish cheese board. How on earth did they have room for After Eights after that lot? We get a lovely view of Gerald and Lisa’s beautiful, frog-green dining room curtains (think ’80s debutante’s ballgown), we find out why it’s been a great year for Pippa O’Connor (nothing to do with falling off a horse, apparently) but, sadly, there’s no news as to how there was zero press coverage of Lisa Murphy’s recent fall in the Zavvi store in Dundrum during a Shayne Ward PA, or whether that really is a parting in Bill Cullen’s hair or simply where he folds it up to put it in his bedside drawer. It’s all in your (agrammatical, badly-spelled and poorly punctuated) RSVP magazine this month. I’ve got mine.