As I’ve mentioned before, I have a slight weakness for Easy Food magazine, the monthly step-by-tiny-step guide for novices of the fine culinary arts of tin opening, bread browning and kettle operating.
The October ‘Halloween Special’ contains some appropriately horrifying dishes with which you can easily ruin even the most voracious of appetites. But before we get all complicated, let me introduce to their delightful recipe for Ham And Cheese Croissants.
For this dish, which serves 4 – four! – people, you will need:
2 slices of ham, each cut in half
4 slices of cheese
Don’t forget to “split the croissants lengthways“.
Now, I’m not making that up. If anyone actually needs a recipe for ham and cheese croissants: a) they probably can’t read yet, and b) they should not, under any circumstances, be allowed to use a knife.
Anyway, now that I’ve got your tastebuds ‘tingling’, let me scrape them off you with Caesar’s fish
This one serves 2 – two! – people:
2 fresh white fish fillets
125ml Caesar’s salad dressing*
80g cornflakes (crushed)
50g cheddar cheese, grated (the cheaper the better, by the look of the picture)
There are step-by-step instructions included in the magazine, but, frankly, all you do it is put the fish on a baking tray, drizzle/sprinkle the ingredients on, and then bake it until it becomes quite possibly the most vile taste and texture endurance test you will ever put your mouth and stomach through.
Readers would be far better advised to stick to the magazine’s section on toasted sandwiches, which is sponsored by… EasiSingles. Oh. Dear.
*oh, that’s how this dish got its name – and not because Gaius Julius insisted upon sprinkling breakfast cereal on his dinner.