First and foremost, the only thing I can think of that’s worse than spending a wet August night in ‘Mawwrlee Pawwrk’ is spending a wet August night in ‘Mawwrlee Pawwrk’ watching Muse. Secondly, the ad states that Muse were, “voted the best live act in the world” – which only goes to prove that our provincial cousins spend too much time filling in surveys and not enough time going to gigs.
But, knowing that thousands of people will still willingly leave their irony at home and toddle along to the see this puerile display of camp-prog from the southern English sticks, the biggest issue I have is the advert’s voiceover; in fact, the same is true of almost all radio ads for big gigs. Why do promoters feel we need an American voice to sell it to us? What is it about being American that makes things supposedly more thrilling? Aren’t Irish, or even British, accents sufficient to convince us to part with our money? How many Americans actually know where ‘Mawwrlee Pawwrk’ is? How many Americans can actually pinpoint Ireland on a world map?
It’s not even a particularly convincing accent either, sounding like a piss-poor pub pastiche of the voiceover bloke who begins every film trailer with the words, “in a world…”
We don’t need Americans to sell us chocolate, cars, spectacles, computers or furniture, so why inflict every rock cliché in the Big Book of Rock Clichés on us by trying to flog us Muse tickets with a voice that should be trying to extol the wholesome family value system that is KFC?
It’s truly appalling but, much worse, it has been entirely accepted as normal by people who hear it. Everyone comments on Harvey Norman ads because they’re voiced by a hyperventilating Aussie, but Americans and their famous voices are so ubiquitous, we barely even register that that’s what it is.
While Muse fans are not pondering this matter, can I just draw their attention to the small print on the gig itinerary? That’s right, it says Kasabian. Oh dear.