“The phone/ The phone is ring-ing.” What the hell has happened to Wonder Pets? Or, more specifically, the UK version? Any parent who spends their mornings, afternoons and evenings being blasted by the unremitting fire cannon of kaleidoscopic, hyperactive, cacophonous, epileptic programming on Nick Jr knows what an oasis of calm and cuteness Wonder Pets was. The everyday tale of a hamster (Linny), a turtle (Tuck) and a duckling (Ming-Ming) who reside in a school classroom by day and become heroic, bungling, inquisitive, resourceful and impossibly adorable rescuers by mid-afternoon, the series is, as you’d expect, an American import, which is revoiced for the UK audience by a team of beautifully well-spoken youngsters. Until recently, anyway. The most recent series have, either by terrible accident or less-than-intelligent design, done away with much of its adopted Englishness and allowed hideous psuedo-Americanism to creep into its dialogue. Same accents, just a woeful slackening of standards, diction and jaws.
The Wonder Pets‘ signature tune previously featured the refrain, “What’s going to work? Teamwork!” This has been replaced, without notice or parental advisory warning, by the awful, “What’s gunna work?” In what way will this advance children? Why introduce the fundamentals of text-speak to toddlers unless there’s a new Nick Jr Uk charter to wilfully dumb-down their audience? Frankly, I was Outraged of Chiswick and shook my rolled-up copy of The Daily Express at the telly. It was my absolute parental duty to risk life, limb and eardrum to switch this monstrosity off and change over to the relative safety of CBeebies – which would be my natural choice, anyway. Mind you, I had an agenda. What, you mean you haven’t seen Space Pirates? You’re crumbling before me…
I Have Grave News 
Johnnie, your brain is clearly turning to mush. Ranting about children’s programming now. You’re on the slippery slope. Before long you’ll be irate over the reducing calcium content of full cream milk and the health and safety implications of snow on our roads. These are the last refuges of a Weekend papers journalist. Your blog will be picked up by the Irish Times and printed on the same page as Rosheen Dingle next! God help us!
Such is life at weekends when you’re a parent. Economic concerns go out of the window, it’s all about toys, sweets and fights over the telly. I was chatting to Roisin about this very matter yesterday morning, you know. Health and Safety concerns over snow on our roads? Are there any? Funny how the country grinds to a halt in seconds flat due to snow. Was it Fianna Fail who were running Iceland until recently?
Only after Kerry Katona had to resign and check herself into rehab for the umpteenth time.
CBeebies is ahsum.Loike tosholly.