We’ve done our best to escape the unrelenting misery heaped on us by Damien Rice, David Gray, but, come the recession, back come the woe-is-me brigade. According to a survey in this morning’s Herald AM, 100% of respondents claimed they had experienced bullying in the workplace. Yes, 100%. That’s everyone.
Now, I don’t know what the parameters were, or if people’s ‘experience’ was limited to watching other people being bullied from behind a filing cabinet, but my guess is that everyone suddenly felt the need to say they had definitely been picked on in some way or other. Even if it wasn’t happening now, there were no doubt repressed memories waiting to be dredged out, to the closing theme tune of EastEnders, of an entirely justified bollocking they once got for being late, or being caught smoking, or simply being a workshy waste of space and oxygen, which are now being conveniently reinterpreted as ‘bullying’. I’m not having it. Let’s get the respondents psychoanalysed so we can prove that at least 75% of these people are exaggeration-prone slackers, self-indulgent singer-songwriters who still live with their mums (or fans thereof), or simply paranoid.
Next, we’ll no doubt have polls saying: “98% say they’re allergic to brussells sprouts” and “97.3% say anti-depressants and sick notes should be handed out free to absolutely everyone from day one because this is real life, folks”. Or something. When is that new Damien Rice album due, anyway?