Archive for the Star "Style" Category

Does the photoshop have a refund policy?

Posted in Star "Style" on September 3, 2010 by Johnnie

Now, fair play to this chap above who not only decided to lop off his rather appalling “heyday” hair, he also had the deed done for charity – I’m sure many of his friends and family paid handsomely to see the back of it.

Not so fair play, though, to the technology whizzkid from the “local” newspaper who decided that, rather than separate ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures, they’d photoshop them together.  The result was this atrociously mangled manipulation which appears to show that the chap in question not only lost his hair, but had his left arm severed as well. Continue reading

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Medium rare

Posted in Advice, Dearly Departed, Geeks, Star "Style" on September 3, 2010 by Johnnie

I’m not one for giving free advertising to any old spooky crank but I feel it’s my duty to give this chap a little exposure.  Meet John, who’s evidently the Austin Powers of the parapsychological world; he’s not just a psychic medium and clairvoyant, he’s an international psychic medium and clairvoyant.  Just cross his palm with plastic and the fog will lift on “your pathway of destiny”, allowing you to more easily “explore the possibilities of your future”, all from the comfort of your own home if necessary.  The boy will even attend your house parties – what could be more perfect and reassuring for those getting on a bit than a clairvoyant turning up at your party to remind you that the dead still hang around and talk to parties?  All the same, image is everything these days and it’s a pity John didn’t explore the future possibilities of his own hair loss, allow the fog to lift from his own mirror and listen to the voices from well before the grave:  Continue reading

Skirting around the real education issues in Dublin 4

Posted in Advice, Star "Style" on September 2, 2010 by Johnnie

With schools returning from their summer recess, the focus shifts to our children’s education once again. At this time of year, difficult choices lie ahead of them; as always, one wonders just how well-equipped they are to cope and whether potentially life-changing decisions, which have to be taken at such a tender age, will stand up to close scrutiny.

Take the words of one concerned young girl on a public message board as an example of the sorts of dilemmas facing today’s teenagers: “I was just wondering how short you think the skirts girls wear to Wezz should be? Some of them are ridiculously short but what do you think is acceptable? Just curious…!”

Finding sensible, supportive advice to these sensitive issues from reliable sources is crucial at this stage of a child’s development. Fortunately for this particular poster, a sound, commonsense opinion was forthcoming: “I think skirts look reli hot, wit a respectable top, lyk if u have a reli short skirt and a reli revealing top, u just luk cheap.” Continue reading

Plastic not-so-fantastic, then

Posted in Disasters, Music, Pointless Nostalgia, Star "Style" on July 30, 2010 by Johnnie

Another childhood illusion shattered, another comfort zone wrecked.  Belgian punk “sensation” Plastic Bertrand has admitted he wasn’t the singer of  his one and only UK hit ‘Ça Plane Pour Moi’.  Is there nothing left we can believe in?

This is far more devastating than the Milli Vanilli ‘scandal’ of 20 years ago.  Poor Plastic (real name Roger Jouret, but why would he use that again?) is distraught at having to admit this now.  I must admit, I feel for him. 

Admitting that the voice on the record was actually that of the record’s producer, the wonderfully named Lou Deprijck,  Plastic said: “I’m the victim. I wanted to sing but he wouldn’t let me into the studio. This is going to dog me till my dying days. I’m really fed up.” Continue reading

Waiter, there’s a woman in my soup

Posted in Advice, Star "Style", Travel on July 30, 2010 by Johnnie

It’s hard to believe that the boom-time obsession with spas hasn’t gone away.  Glossy mags, weekend supplements and the provincial press are still plugging these idiotic, aery-faery dens of self-gratification, a hangover from what already looks like the tackiest bygone era in history.

We’re already well into the first year of a new decade, and a more circumspect era, you’d think.  I had hoped most of the detestable things about the noughties (Ireland’s answer to the south of England’s Thatcher era) would have dissipated like the fads they were.   I should say, it’s certainly not that the noughties were all bad – let’s face it, any decade that began with The Gray Twins, David and Macy, as its biggest selling musical artists had really nowhere to go but up.

But it did herald the worst extremes of lame, low culture – not just the obsession with self-pampering, but the lamentable cult of non-celebrities taking up magazine space where actual celebrities would be, were there any actual celebrities.  Continue reading

Of all the small things…

Posted in Disasters, Grave News, Music, New Stuff, Star "Style" on July 26, 2010 by Johnnie

Congratulations to Ireland’s musical pride and joy Jedward, who yesterday crashed into the UK Singles Chart at number 80 with their magnificent cover of Blink 182’s ‘All The Small Things’.   Continue reading

I wear a fez now…

Posted in Geeks, Star "Style", TV on July 20, 2010 by Johnnie

“It’s a fez, I wear a fez now.  Fezzes are cool.”

Well, The Doctor’s right, fezzes are cool.  Many of us have known this for years, way before the 11th Doctor, played by Matt Smith, said so in The Big Bang.  Never mind that the fez has perfectly serious Ottoman origins (by which I mean it’s from Turkey, not from a big toy box with a padded lid – although, thinking about it, if I had one, I’d probably use it as a dressing up box), no one in the world can wear one without looking mad or hilarious.

I’ve been a happy fez owner since the mid 1990s, when my sister brought me one back from holiday.  I couldn’t have been more grateful, I’d always wanted one. Continue reading