Designate the Fate of your Pate

BALDI love adverts for “miracle” baldness cures.  They’ve fascinated me since I was a child, chiefly because my dad was convinced I’d be a slap-head by the time I was 19.  In fact, everyone was convinced of this, mainly because my dad was very convincing – and talkative.

As a teenager, I “articulated” these deep fears in an appallingly-drawn cartoon strip entitled The Onset, in which a bald man, short on confidence and money, goes to buy a toupee.  Looking at the available range, including “The Elvis” and “The Jimmy Savile”, he has to settle for the cheapest syrup in the shop – “The Pedal Bin”, a horrid, nasty rug made out of two Brillo pads, strung together into the shape of a comb over.

Anyway, 23 years after this, ” The Onset” hasn’t happened to me yet.  I was falsely alarmed.  That’s not to say it won’t happen, but at least I made it to 40 with my barnet intact; as Rolf Harris used to say, some kids aren’t so lucky.

So it’s not out of any form of smug satisfaction that I chortle at ads for hair regrowth. It’s just that they remind me of my pathetic, youthful cartoon efforts; and how I always wish the advertisers would give their “After” photos a celeb or style-related tag, just so you can truly visualise what you’re investing in.  How about these examples for a sure-fire sale?

The "Phil Collins"

The "Phil Collins"

The "Ken Doherty"

The "Ken Doherty"

The "Central Bank Emo"

The "Central Bank Emo"

The "Enda Kenny"*

The "Enda Kenny"*

*please note, this style may change from time to time without prior notice

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