A shed of one’s own

In a damp, misty corner of the garden, in the shade of a dangerously overgrown, gnarled tree, sits an unimposing, unkempt little shack. For many years, it has been unloved and, frankly, unlovable. Filled to bursting with torn boxes, rusting tools and mouldy furniture, all concealed behind a warped door, it looks forlorn, abandoned and […]

Sepulchral Notices (or The Mystery of Edwyn Pugh)

Clement Wiffen sat at his desk, his trembling hands obscuring his face. ‘Which one was Edwyn Pugh?’ he groaned. ‘Are there any photographs?’ ‘Maybe family ones, sir,’ said Mr Darkin. ‘But we can hardly ask…’ ‘Damn it, why can’t funerals be more like weddings?’ Wiffen snapped, removing his hands and staring down at the page. […]

Dear reader, meet Screenreader

At the end of January this year, young Cork trio Screenreader released their self-produced debut album Disconnect The Dots. On first listen, there’s little doubt that it’s a “homemade” record but it doesn’t take long to grow on you. It’s a charming triumph of aspiration and conviction over quite obvious fiscal restriction. These are […]

Embracing hunger for Lent

I don’t normally observe the annual Shrove/pancake/ fat Tuesday routine. To me, it’s always been, as Curiosity Killed The Cat would say, just another ordinary day. Nor have I ever thought about giving anything up for Lent – not for any anti-religious purpose, just because I couldn’t be bothered thinking about sacrifices. Well, that’s about to […]

Old rope on a soap

Oh dear. Slippers: check. Cardie: check. Pipe: definitely on its way. Today I wrote an email to the editor of venerable Irish weekly Woman’s Way to correct, in as nerdy a manner as one could possibly achieve, one of their little trivia boxes on their soap pages. Titled ‘The Rules of Soapland’, it stated that, […]

Working class heroes?

A wafer, God’s sake. For some obscure reason, the shockingly awful song “Blue Riband Blues” is stuck in my head today. This song, sung by Mike Berry in the 1980s’ commercial, advertised Blue Riband biscuits – lightweight chocolate-covered wafers that were “the very thing”, as my late Granny used to say, to have with a […]

For Shame, I think I’m just too much of a prude

Despite the onset of adulthood, I’m still one of those people who squirms, then chortles or sucks through his teeth whenever a TV continuity announcer says that the following programme “contains sexual scenes from the start”. I do wish Steve McQueen’s new film Shame came with one of those as a preface. Or maybe, in […]

Memories of Bob Holness, 1928 – 2012

Like anyone of an age, I’m very sorry to hear of the passing of former Blockbusters host, Bob Holness. His show was essential tea-time viewing for me in the mid 1980s, being a quiz with questions I had a reasonable chance of answering correctly. Not that I was ever brave enough to apply to take […]

My first “novel” – Never Kill Farmers

It was a morning like any other. I was sitting at the breakfast table, the television flickering and droning behind me, and I was still trying to figure out why Anne Diamond was my dad’s fantasy woman. In front of me, Bill (for it was he) failed to notice the corn flakes falling from his […]

Wholly crap, bag o’ shite, etc

Sorry for talking shit yet again, and I know I really should be writing this in a letter to the Southside People or the Daily Mail, but I’ve noticed that there’s a nice new North and South Dublin divide when dealing with dog turds. On East Wall on the North side, the pavements are, in […]