Worst. Santa. Ever.

As if getting old and being stuck in hospital isn’t miserable enough. You get all the way to the final few years of your life before they break the news to you that not only is Santa not fat, “he”‘s actually a woman. I mean, surely those well-meaning folk from the Positive Ageing Group could’ve raked […]

You can’t always get what you want, but…

In 2004, I elected to take voluntary redundancy from a job which had sapped my personality, soul and energy for too long. Ultimately, while others just got on with things, I thought too long and hard about them, became too bitter, narky and spiteful. I had an imperceptible patience threshold which too many people took […]

Michael McIntyre denies he’s bland

It might be difficult to fathom but there are people out there who don’t find Michael McIntyre funny. Worse still, some have even suggested his routines are inoffensive and “middle class” in nature. So, in an effort to “lash out” at these accusations, McIntyre has given his side of the argument in an interview with […]

Don’t make fun of Daddy’s choice…

My daughters have this friend, a wee boy, who turned 2 last week. They were invited to his birthday party, so the usual, excitable discussions and debates ensued on what present to buy him. Youngest daughter thought the he would like something train-related, based on her own ideas of what wee boys like. So, train-related products (one of which came in a parent-pleasing 56 […]

What is it with you people and “The End”?

You know who you are, I’m talking to you. The sort of people who, back in the 1960s and ’70s, would go around wearing a sandwich board bearing the legend, “THE END IS NIGH”. Nowadays, you hide indoors, sitting on the internet wearing nothing but your old Y-fronts and a string vest, but you’re no […]

Basement Jacks-Gate – problem fixed…

Well, the self-appointed security ‘gaffer’ has thrown in the towel. As mentioned here last week, my office’s gent’s toilet seat was stolen by person(s) unknown. While expecting our marauding Mr DayGlo Jacket carpark attendant to conduct a thorough investigation via his bluetooth earpiece, no doubt twitching his moustache, Poirot-like, in the process, it seems that the scoundrel responsible has […]

Another Snore Patrol Best Of, already…

Hard on the heels of their Up To Now compilation, Scotland’s, Norn Iron’s, Britain’s, Ireland’s, Europe’s and SouthYemen’s finest band ever Snow Patrol are set to release a double spoken-word album* of singer Gary Lightbody’s endless platitudes to audiences all over the world. His stock, crowd-pleasing utterances, in which he compliments the size or quality of any given venue […]

‘Mystery’ Of The Basement Jacks

Desperate times call for desperate crimes. But now, another kind of ‘desperate’ have nowhere to turn. In a case that’s baffling even the most astute and eagle-eyed amongst us, the gentleman’s toilet seat in the office block I ‘frequent’ has been stolen. It’s used by at least three separate businesses in the block and also, no […]

The Welch Squelch

First thing first: naturally, this blogger cannot contain his glee at Fiorentina’s marvellous 2-0 win over Liverpoo-el in their home Champions League encounter last week; witnessing the precocious talent of young Montenegro forward Stevan Jovetic come alive in front of Europe has put many, myself included, in mind of that young Viola star of two decades ago, Roberto […]

ICTU-three-four, ICTU-three-four…

Oxymoron alert – there are astonishing signs of progress in the trade union movement, according to this week’s thrilling edition of Industrial Relations News (a.k.a. Workshy Whingers’ & Malingerers’ Time-Wasting Pamphlet). In a story about a brainstorming session ahead of the next ICTU-led wave of protest campaigns, under the headline ‘Away day’ session as Congress unions plan next move, […]